voice is numb.

Anonymous asked: when are you writing chapter 4?

it’s written c:

and i don’t know when chapter 5 will be out. i’ve been really out of writing and the fanfic might not get much further, but i will do my best xx

Time Escapes Us Chapter. 4

The smell of coffee filled the air around you as you pored it into a a white mug placed on the counter. You felt the heat from the coffee through the mug reach your skin. It’s been 4 months. Only four months. It feels like it’s been an eternity. 

It started two months ago. You’ve been sick every morning and through out the day. You’re blaming it on the stress. You’ve even gained a substantial amount of weight in the last couple months. You blamed that on the stress too. But days have been getting better. You don’t think you’re ready to get back into the natural habit of things, but maybe life’s trying to pick you up out of this dull world you’ve surrounded yourself in,  despite how you still feel. This is something you’ll never be able to get over, but you know the pain will become numb. Eventually. 

Your minds been wrapped around the fact that you’ve had to leave the shop open to your assistant, of course she understands, but you almost feel a hint of guilt for leaving someone of her experience in your position, and guilt is something you could do less of right about now. You took a deep breath inhaling the fragrance from the mug and  placed yourself on the couch, leaning your shoulder onto the pillows. You took a hot sip of your coffee. You sat there thinking until you heard your cellphone ring. Its been off primarily because you knew all you would be receiving is sympathy. You answered anyways making your voice sound positive and energetic when you were feeling just the opposite. “Hello?”

“Hi babe, it’s Eleanor. How are you?” A sweet voice came from the other end. You’ve been getting calls from Louis’s girlfriend pretty frequently. The way she speaks to you, you could tell she was concerned. Its been a few days since you two last talked, but not much has changed. 

“I’m fine,” you replied slightly lying. “How are you? How’s Lou?” You asked out of politeness. 

“Im alright, louis is good, he’s just been down for a while. I know this isn’t easy Gracie. It really isn’t” She said with honesty. You almost let a tear roll down your cheek but caught it mid fall. 

“I know Eleanor” You said as your voice strained, “i know.” You could tell Eleanor sensed you crying. She tried to change the subject. 

“Would you want to come with me to the market? We could get those wonderful milkshakes we found out about a while back?”

“Sure” You said, “I would love that.” You smiled as though she could see you through the phone. You wanted to take your mind of things and you thought this would be a good opportunity. 

~~~~~~

The streets were busy. You weaved in and out of people making your to the market. You spotted Eleanor out of the corner of your eye waiting by the bouquets of roses out front, hands in her coat pockets. You caught her attention by waving in her direction and you two greeted each other with warm smiles. 

“It’s great to see you!” You said with happy tone. 

“It’s great to see you too! It’s been so long.” Eleanor said all the same. 

You two casually strolled as you talked about all the exciting things that have happened  since you two saw each other. Eleanor talked most of the time, talking about the boys and Louis. You didn’t talk too much. You really had nothing to say. Harry was the last thing you wanted to think about because you knew you would start bawling then and there. 

Everything reminded you of him. The way the man a few people in front of you walked. The way the busker on the curb sang. The way the clouds matched his hair. Even the way the couple was holding hands. It’s like the world wanted you to miss him. 

You tuned back in to Eleanor’s conversation just in time to reach the little corner market. You both bought those delicious milkshakes and walked down to the the park by the church. You both took a seat on one of the benches on the far end of the park. 

“it’s a beautiful day.” You said keeping the conversation going. 

“It really is, isn’t it.” Eleanor said in response, a mouth full of milkshake. Yours was almost finished. You’ve gotten quite hungry lately. you still blame everything that’s happening on the stress. It seemed like the right answer. As you were thinking in your head, it seemed Eleanor was reading your thoughts. 

“Hows your sickness been?” She asked. You two talked about it through the phone. 

“I think it might have gotten worse, to be honest” You said as you looked down at your shoes with your legs crossed. “i’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” You said with a smile when really the last couple months you’ve just wanted someone to talk to and someone to help you through this. But you were a modest person.

“I have every right to be worried Gracie, with everything thats been happening lately” She said with a concerned look on her face as she stirred her milkshake with her straw. You knew she was right.

You finished your milkshake and tossed it in the trash next to the bench. 

“You’ve been pretty hungry as well it seems” She said with laughed taking another sip of her milkshake. Suddenly her face went motionless. “Gracie..” She said. “Have you ever thought that you might be..” she paused. “Pregnant?” 

You put your hand over your mouth in astonishment. The tears came one by one. “I.. I didn’t… I didn’t even realize.. Eleanor” You said through tears, collapsing into her shoulder. “I cant be… “ You were sobbing by now. Everything’s hitting you. The emotional mood swings, the sickness, the weight gain, the clinginess it all made perfect sense now. Never would you have imagined…. You have harry’s baby. You had a life in your stomach you didn’t even know about for 4 months. Only 4 more months and that life will be yours. You’re not ready for something like this. 

Eleanor held you for a few minutes before you could hold your own composure. You were stunned. The signs were right in front of your face and you ignored them. How do you care for a child when you’re so fragile yourself. Now you were second guessing everything. You might not be pregnant maybe this is just a scare. You were shaking. you can’t blow over something like this. By this time Eleanor was crying too. 

“I’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you like that, love.” She said quietly as she wiped her own tears off her cheeks then yours. It was only about 3:00, you didn’t want to leave Eleanor, but you knew you had to. 

“Eleanor, i need to go,” you said  as you abruptly stood up. You felt sick to your stomach. You’re just not ready for anything right now. It’s all happening too fast. 

You were scared. 

You lightly hugged Eleanor thanking her for the evening. You jogged to the side of street where you waved down a cab. You asked the cab driver to drop you off by a convenience store 5 blocks away from your flat. Your breathing was shaky. You went back into the pharmacy section and found pregnancy testers. You quickly grabbed 3 different boxes from the shelf. Your eyes met a red bottle above the testers. ‘Abortion Pills.’ You couldn’t. Another tear fell from your eye as your lip quivered. Half of the man you love is inside you. You couldn’t. 

You make your way to the checkout counter with 3 boxes in hand grabbing a Twix bar on the way out. Harry’s favorite. 

The air was cool against your skin as you walked home. Taking a walk cleared your head. You’re still deathly scared. Only Harry could change that. You thought about him for the first time in months without crying. The good memories. You smiled. A real smile. You don’t know how longs it’s been since you really smiled and laughed. 

Upon entering the flat, the happiness you had before seemed to turn cold. Now the scared was all that was left. you stared at the boxes you had in your hand. You feel like an idiot not noticing for four months you were pregnant. But you still don’t know yet. Theres still a chance.

You walked into the bathroom. You stripped off your clothes and got into the shower. You tried to calm down. You needed Harry, you needed strength, and you don’t have either of those things right now. 

As the steam from the shower faded you took out the first box. You read the directions carefully on the back and followed the steps. You were too scared to look. 

It was pink… 

Positive. 

Your lip started quivering. You took the second box. Positive. Third box. Positive. By this you were crying with your head in your hands.

You were pregnant. 

With his baby. 

Harry’s baby. 

You’re going to be a mom. 

~~~~

You got no sleep last night. The thought of another being inside you made you feel uncomfortable in a way. Everything you did, you did with caution. You really knew nothing about pregnancy. You managed to order 4 pregnancy books that would arrive in the coming week. You were still scared, but you had a sense of confidence. You would love this beautiful boy or girl till the day you die. You might not know him or her yet, But that’s your pledge. You looked at your wedding ring as you sipped tea sitting on the counter. You couldn’t imagine anyone other than harry to be this baby’s father. You couldn’t imagine loving anyone else. He was your perfect match. 

Your first love will be your last. 

That’s your pledge to Harry. 

Anonymous asked: i LOVE your fanfic (:

thank you! that really means a lot x

Time Escapes Us Chapter. 3 

  “miss him. I miss him so much,” You think to yourself. Your heart can’t carry this. You’re fiddling with your wedding ring as you lye in your dimly lit room. It’s 4am. You haven’t been sleeping well. Nor eating well. Everything you do has been on pause since the accident. You roll over to your side, and pull the blankets up to your chin. You take a deep shaking breath. The blankets still smell like him. The memories filled your head, remembering all the things that went right.. and the things that went wrong. 

You two were very well behaved towards one another. You never fought, you never argued, but there was one night where you both were right at the breaking point.

It was late december. Your relationship hasn’t been on the best terms for a few weeks. At the time you blamed all the drama on Harry, but as you look back on it, it wasn’t Harry’s fault at all. It was yours. 

Your job really took its toll. Fulfilling your goal of owning your own wedding apparel shop in uptown London was hard at times. You didn’t think it would take this much out of you. The late nights and early mornings, endless amounts of coffee and energy drinks just to keep your eyes open; not to mention the constant struggle of coming up with new and innovative ideas for dresses and themes. But admittedly it had its perks. Meeting your husband for example. It was june. The air was warm and light. The previous morning you stayed up till 5:30 tailoring suites, making calls to agencies, and organizing 4 weddings for the upcoming week. You were basically asleep in front of your computer when you got a phone call. You booked the gentleman who called a reservation for a fitting, along with his mother and her soon to be groom. Sleep was something of a rarity in these summer months. Your little shop gained many credentials from sources all around Britain. You had at lease 8 weddings a week to plan and provide beautiful garments for. It was hard, but there are days when you really love what you do. 

The man who called the day before brought his party in for a look around, a planning, and a fitting. The young man had curly brown hair that swooped the the right of his gorgeous face and dimples that could kill. During the fitting you fought his flirtatiousness, surprised by the fact he ignored your pretty female assistant and drew is attention toward you who seemed so plain and casual in comparison. He would make conversation with you whenever he had the opportunity, making jokes along the way, like “do you think these pants are too tight on my bum?” & “I think you missed a stitch, love.” He would always manage to crack a smile on that tired face of yours. He came back a few times prior to the first visit always making excuses like “I think i left my phone here last time” or “My mum was wondering-” or something of that effect. He just made small talk until eventually mustering up the courage to ask you out for a lunch date. You were going to resent, but food in your belly was too tempting. It was there at lunch that you found things in common, immediately taking interest in each others personal lives and interests. Your honest personality seemed to humble his, in an industry where things can be so artificial. You gradually found yourself developing a romantic relationship together. 

It was 2:00am and you had just finished scheduling when Harry called you. “it’s late grace, where are you?” It had been days of silence between you two even though you lived together. You estimated you had about seven hours of sleep in the past six days. your eyes had dark circles under them and you were starting to feel sick. It reminded you of how you felt now.

When you would come home Harry would be asleep, and you would rest for a couple hours before preparing for the next day of work. He would sometime wake, kiss you, and hold you close to him, but that affection only lasted until you walked out the door. 

Harrys voice was tainted with annoyance rather than concern as you were expecting.

“I’m working Harry, where do you think?” You replied snappier that you anticipated. With your exhaustion you became bitchier that usual. 

“Okay, see you later then.” He hung up the phone before you could answer back or say goodbye. You wondered what he was honestly bothered by, After all it was you that had to cope with no food or sleep, having absolutely no time to yourself, and having a boyfriend at the time that never seemed to care. 

You drove home recklessly, your eyes heavy as they tried to focus on the road ahead. Reaching your apartment, you swayed to the door, your legs weak and dragging as you walked in. Harry was no where to be found. You moved into the kitchen, as the colors around you began bleeding into each other, before turning black. You body became numb as it crashed onto the cold wood floor.

When you woke up your clothes and shoes were off as you only slept in your underwear and bra with a light blanket wrapped around you. You were in the bedroom remembering you must have passed out in the kitchen, Harry being the one that must have laid you here. You grabbed one of his sweatshirts laying on a chair, and dragged yourself up to find him and gain some clarity. When you walked into the living room there he sat only wearing a pair of sweats, hunched over with his head dropped in his hands. He sat there with an aura of tension and disappointment. 

“Harry?” You said cautiously, unsure of his mentality. His head immediately shot up, his eyes red from tears as he began getting up from the couch. 

“Gracie you’re awake. You should go back to bed, I’ll bring you Something to eat babe,” he said while lightly pushing you towards the bedroom 

“I don’t want to…” you said sensing something wrong. “Whats your problem right now?” you said pushing lightly against his chest so he would stop nudging you forward, his eyes widening at your question. 

“My Problem? You were the one lying on the floor when I got home,” he said raising his voice, “maybeyou should tell me what your problem is!”

You softly gasped in disbelief, astonished by what he was saying. “MY PROBLEM?” you were about to let all the feelings you had inside you go. “I work too fucking hard, thats my problem! and it would be nice the man i loved showed a little sympathy or at least consideration!” You yelled, “I’m sorry i passed out Harry! HOW INCONVENIENT IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR YOU!”

You watched his face transform. He clenched his teeth, wanting so desperately to say something horrible to you, walking away instead. “Did you even notice how tired I was?” You continued, “Was it not concerning to you when i would only sleep two hours a day…?” you said in a quieter tone. “DO YOU EVEN GIVE A SHIT!?” Your eyes began to fill with tears. Harry’s back remained turned to you, shaking his head at your words as he clenched his fist. His anger not to you, but for himself. 

“OF COURSE I DO!!” he shouted turning to you. “But would you have listened to me if i told you slow down?” he said approaching you, now consuming your personal space, “I can’t always tell what you’re thinking grace!”

You stared at him in disbelief. “ARE YOU BLIND HARRY? LOOK AT ME! Do i look healthy to you!?” He bumped your shoulder as he passed you, heading towards the door.  “Don’t walk away from me!!” you yelled behind him, making him stop dead in his tracks, with his arms shaking, trying to keep his composure. 

“You’re not a child Grace! Of course i care, but i was under the impression you were handling things just fine!” He said turning to face you as he calmed himself down “Obviously i was wrong…” 

“I hate you..” you said under your breath after a moment of silence. Your words cold and untrue, but it was the only thing you felt like saying to him then. 

“Do you truly mean that?” His voice low, as his face inched closer and closer to yours. Trying to meet your gaze that stayed fixed on the ground. He lifted your chin up with his finger. You nodded, your eyes still fixated to the ground. “Then say it again.” He said taunting you, his voice lurking with genuine hurt. “SAY IT!” He yelled. You opened your mouth and let out a short breath. You couldn’t. 

Suddenly his lips were on yours, his hands clasped so tight around your face you could feel his thumbs in the hollows of your cheeks. He bit you a little as he forced his tongue into your mouth “DONT TOUCH ME!” you yelled. He let go and stepped back.

“Look Grace. I’m sorry.” he said “I’m sorry for not noticing what’s been going on with you.. But please…. don’t ever say i don’t care.” His eyes were becoming red again. “I wish you knew how much…. When i say you laying there… You don’t know how i felt” he said as a single tear dropped down his cheek.  “I’m sorry love… I really am.” he said as he turned to leave the room. You grabbed his wrist, pulling him into you and hugging him against your body. You didn’t think about it, you just did it. “I love you” You spoke with tears in your eyes. 

“Gracie…” he said all the same, “I don’t care what your schedule is like. i’m not letting you go. Not for a Second” 

“Time Escapes Us” Chapter. 2

Trembling, you took the remote of the counter top and switched on the small t.v. sitting on the granite table to BBC. You didn’t want to hear the news. You just wanted it to be okay. “Everything is okay,” you told yourself. 

“Harry’s okay…”

Your breathing was heavy. Your eyes stinging with tears. You pushed back the bad thoughts and hopelessly held onto the good ones. Your fingers were shaking as you pushed the buttons on the remote. “He’s okay…” you told yourself. You don’t know if you even believed your own words. 

The station news reporter made your heart race as you heard him say “Flight 192 has crashed off the coast of the Mediterranean on their way to spain. More on tonights news when we come back..” 

You took a few deep breaths recollecting yourself. The tears were getting harder to hold in. You needed Harry. You couldn’t imagine anything bad happening to him. He was too much a part of you. 

The reporters voice broke your thought concentration with the news you didn’t want to hear. 

“Flight 192 of JetBlue airlines ran into a gas problem mid flight and unfortunately couldn’t maintain the problem in the air. The plane crashed into the city of Almeria this afternoon after a one o’clock departure.” 

“Harry.. Please be okay” 

“Rescue vehicles were on the ground immediately after the crash. Despite the crews best efforts… There were no survivors”

Your breathing stopped. You didn’t know how to react. You were frozen. A state of shock. The tears came. Almost all at once. You dropped to your knees with your head held in your hands. Sobbing. “No survivors,” you played back in your head. Your husband was dead. Gone. 

You laid there weeping, till you couldn’t breathe. After hours on end of crying You lifelessly stared into the distance.. He’s really gone. 

~~~~~~

You haven’t gotten any sleep since the news. How do you sleep after something like this.  Every night and day you’ve been crying. Every hour of everyday is filled with tears and memories and regrets. Everything you wish you could have done, everything you wish you didn’t. 

You told yourself that you wouldn’t cry tonight. Harry would never want to see you this upset. You didn’t keep that promise. You felt horrible. You looked horrible. You were horrible you thought. You put his death on your shoulders. Somehow it was your fault. If only he went on the other plane. If only you made him take a private plane, this would have never happened. 

Everything in your body has become numb. You haven’t gone out of your flat since the crash. Nothing mattered anymore. Harry was gone, leaving you scarred and empty. You got the call of a funeral being planned in only a few days. You knew the boys would be there. You knew how they’d feel about this. You weren’t prepared to pick yourself up and try your best to look nice for your dead husband and his best friends who hate you. You weren’t ready for this. never in a million years could you have been ready. 

~~~~~~

The air was humid. The fog and slight mist hung over the graves almost cinematically.  The atmosphere felt dark. Your little black dress was met by your goose bumps as you walked across the wet grass in your black heels, red roses in hand. On the first date he kindly bought you red roses. You thought he would like those. you stood on one side of the wooden coffin surrounded by a crowd of darkly dressed teary eyed friends and relatives. You cried yourself dry. There was no more tears to be shed, as much as you wanted to you couldn’t. The boys were on the far end of the crowd in black suites and dress shoes. Niall was pressed against Liam’s chest as Liam wiped the tears off his cheeks. Louis has one hand on Niall’s back and the other in his pocket, cheeks streaming with tears. You noticed Zayn glaring at you from through the misty air. You felt the hurt in his eyes. You couldn’t stay here for long. This environment is exactly the opposite of what you needed right now. You passed Anne as you left. The look on her face broke your heart. You couldn’t take the thought of Harry anymore. It was killing you.  You drove through the rain now pouring thinking of how things could be any worse. 

satanscake asked: you have to have to make a new chapter now. im hooked baby

Next chapter is on the way! xx

“Time Escapes Us” Chapter. 1

The wind blew through the sheer white curtains as you feel harry’s heart against your cheek. You listened to Harry’s deep breaths as he slept. It was a quiet london morning. Harry was leaving this afternoon for a signing in Spain. You planned to do something special before his flight, but never got around to it with your busy schedule, so you just took this sunday off for some loving time together. 

Your stomach made a slight growl in hunger and you thought is would be nice if you made Harry breakfast in bed. Of course your cooking was no match to master styles’, but the best part about making him food was the way he teased you about it. 

You slowly lifted your head off his chest doing your best not to disturb him as he slept. Harry rolled over to his side kicking the covers of his legs, still half asleep. You smiled to yourself as you tiredly walked into the kitchen. You thought simple pancakes and eggs would do just fine. Turning the stove on low, you got out a couple pans and the ingredients to make the pancakes from scratch. You managed to make a mess of the flower as you sloppily poor it into the bowl. Cooking really wasn’t your strong suit. After a couple minutes you managed to form some sort of batter. Lumpy batter, but it was still batter. You heard tired shuffles from the hallway coming towards the kitchen. You felt two strong arms go around your waist from behind as a head was lazily placed onto the crook of your neck, rocking you back and fourth.  

“Morning, love.” Harry muttered in a husky morning voice into your ear. 

“Morning.” You quietly said flushed as you smiled and kissed his temple. 

“Making pancakes eh?” he said as he popped a strawberry into his mouth from the counter top, almost chocking in laughter when he saw your batter. You smiled and crossed your arms. 

“is it really that bad?” 

“babe, it’s terrible” he said popping another strawberry into his mouth cheekily. “Here.” He grabbed your hands from behind and coaxed you as you stirred. it reminded you of when he attempted to teach you how to play guitar. You wondered how one gorgeous man could do so much. “See love.” He spoke against your cheek bone. The batter was perfect. He took the bowl and pored just enough into the pan accidentally getting some on his finger. Just as he was about to lick it off, he dabbed it onto your nose. You laughed and grabbed a hand full of flour and threw it in his direction. He gave you a playfully menacing look. “Oh you’ve done it now Gracie.” He grabbed the bag of flour, took two handfuls and threw it right into your face. “HAZ!” You playfully laughed. 

And it began. 

Harry picked you up leaving floury hand prints on the back of your sweats as you held onto his bare shoulders. He took the bag with his free hand and dumped the majority of it onto the counter. “The pancake!” you remembered. Harry turned off the stove and just as quickly took a handful of flour and spanked you now leaving your butt white. You just the same, took a handful of flour and threw it in his hair. Harry let you down and took hold of the bowl. forget the pancakes. He took a fistful and threw it at you, missing and hitting the floor. You were both laughing now, covered in pancake batter & flour. You lasted about 10 minutes before you ran out and went to using the eggs. You almost slipped on the wet batter on the tiles, landing in harry’s arms. You both looked into each others eyes with wide smiles. 

You stared at his white powdered covered curls, he looked at your messy batter covered hair and flour covered face. He caressed your cheek as his other hand came up to your face. His soft lips leaned into yours, sending warm chills down your spine. His lips crashed against yours almost forcefully, catching you by surprise. Harry sweetly pushed you up against the wall running his fingers through your hair as your hand went up his back and onto his firm stomach. Your lips separated causing your eyes to meet his. That look. At that very second nothing else mattered. That look is one you will forever remember. That look made everything feel complete. Everything. 

“A little bit of flour never hurt anyone.” Harrys voice lingered over you as he pecked your forehead and took a look at the aftermath. The kitchen was a nothing shy of a mess. You both just laughed. 

“I already know who’s cleaning this up.” You said in a sarcastic tone.  

“Oh, do you” harry said back, taking you by the legs and swooping you up. You giggled as he carried you into the bathroom. “Shower up so we can grab a bite out, i’ll clean up the kitchen.”

“Harry, you know i was only joking,” You said with a smile. 

“I know love, but it’s the least i could do for you” Harry said passing you a towel from the closet with those dimples of his. 

“I love you” You said just as he closed the bathroom door. 

“I love you too, gracie” He said opening the door again. Even though you’ve been married for almost a year, the words ‘I love you’ were ones you could never get enough of. 

As the steam from the shower engulfed you, you thought about how happy you truly were. You lived in an incredible flat in london, with the man of your dreams and the job of your dreams of being a wedding designer. Never in a million years would you have thought of this reality. Never. You were very blessed. And you took none of it for granted.

As you stepped out of the shower wrapping yourself in the towel and letting your hair fall loosely down your back, you caught a glimpse of harry cleaning the kitchen, still. A roll of paper towels in one hand and a wet rag in the other. You had to admit though, from where you were, the kitchen looked much nicer. Again you thought to your self, how could one man do so much. 

You dressed yourself, finished the kitchen as harry showered, and touched up on your hair, forgetting about makeup. You two were only going out for breakfast. harry got ready all the same, and lead you out the door. Harry managed to wear a polo and a button down jumper with beige chinos, while you wore a white loose fitting blouse and dark skinny jeans, along with shades and flats for a stroll down to a cafe in town.

You walked hand in hand through the warm air making small talk and enjoying the calm london morning. Upon entering the quaint cafe the talk and scent off coffee came sweetly to your nose as the little chime of a bell welcomed you in. You both took a seat by the front end of the cafe and ordered two cups of tea and and a stack of pancakes for you both to share. You stayed in the cafe for a couple hours, talking, cuddling, and enjoying each others company right before his departure. it was early noon when you got back to your apartment, remembering harry’s flight was at 1:00. 

“Babe, can you help me pack?” Harry said from his room.

“Of course,” You responded back. “Haz, how long are you planning on staying?” You asked out of curiously.

“A couple weeks actually.” He said with his face buried into his closet. 

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry. Only a couple weeks he said. You’d see him again. You couldn’t help it. Harry could hear you sniffling.

“Baby no, don’t cry,” he said as he cradled you against his chest. “i’ll be back before you know it.” He looked you straight in the eye, “you know it’s just as hard for me, love.” he said wiping the tears off your cheek. He gave you a warm hug, and you both sat against the bed. you laid in Harry’s lap as he stroked your hair and sang to you with that flawless voice of his. He always knew how to make you feel better. You were really going to miss him. 

~~~

 

The airport was hot and crowded. There were surprisingly no fans waiting when they arrived. usually it was packed with screaming fangirls with their hands held out hoping to get a quick hug or even just a touch of their idol. You never minded that. You were once where they stood, and you knew what it was like to look through their eyes. You both spent what felt like 10 hours in security, then went to grab a quick lunch at one of the fast food joints near the waiting area. Harry was taking a different plane because of over booking on the original flight. Being the gentleman he was he offered to take a separate plane without the boys just for the ride to Spain. Paul was with the boys too. It was just you and Harry, which you needed more of these days. 

You were never on the best terms with the boys. They thought of you as un loyal…

A Long story short, his name was Brad. Bradley Williams. Harry was gone for a short while playing a few venues in Australia. When you and harry were still dating, you were both invited to his friend Zac’s just to have a couple drinks, and even though harry couldn’t go, you didn’t want to seem rude, so you went by yourself anyways. The night went great; great people, great food, but you went a little heavy on the drinking side. This was a first for you. And getting cozy around strange guys was a first for you too. You were having a slurred conversation with one of your girlfriends when you were interrupted by this tall, average, blonde man. If you weren’t drunk you would have known he didn’t want to just buy you a drink. Taking notice of your drunkenness, he took full advantage of you in the back room. He drove you home leaving you with your stumbling self and drove off. That was all he wanted. You didn’t even remember the guys name by the time you woke up face down on the living room floor in your red dress and heels. You were angry. Not only at him, but you were angry at yourself. Never would you have let this happen. Never; but it did, and you can’t take that back. 

Somehow over the course of a week the news spread. Not only to everyone at the party that night, but to the boys and to Harry. It took a lot of explaining to get harry to believe your story. The boys didn’t. They thought harry was giving in only because he loved you. You think it hit Zayn the hardest. He was the first one of the boys you became the closest with while you and haz dated, and hearing that news really crushed him. There was no bond between you and the 4 of them. That relationship was burned that night. Of course the hate spread not only to the boys but the the fans. If they only knew. 

Every time something bad went wrong in Harrys career, it was somehow blamed on you. The only person that knows the truth was Harry. If it was a lie you two wouldn’t have gotten married, but the boys thoughts have never changed since that day. 

The boys thought this separate plane to Spain thing was just Harrys excuse to spend time with you, even if it meant a day together. In a sense it was true, but it wasn’t intentional. The over booking just happened to happen, which was a plus for you- 

“WILL ALL PASSENGERS ON FLIGHT 149 PLEASE BRING TICKETS TO THE TERMINAL.” 

“Thats me,” Harry said slowly standing up while putting his bag over his shoulder. 

You stood up next to him and gave him a light hug. You tried not to talk because you knew you would start crying again. You held it in for harry. “I love you babe. I’ll see you soon. Don’t miss me too much” He said with a smile. “i promise i’ll be back before you know it love.” A tear rolled down your cheek unknowingly. He wiped it off with the soft palm of his hand, and gave you one last passionate kiss on the lips sending electricity through your body. You still couldn’t say anything or you would start bawling right then and there. You held your breath chocking back tears as he said “I love you grace.” and walked toward the boarding station where he handed a his ticket to a woman dressed in an all black uniform, and walked to his flight. You caught him wiping a tear of his face as he turned the corner. 

You held your tears until you reached the car. You know harry wouldn’t want you crying over a short leave like this, but you just couldn’t help it. You didn’t know why you were being so emotional all of a sudden. 

~~~~~~

The flat was quiet. You were used to this, but somehow it seemed even quieter. Setting your bag down on the couch, you checked your phone out of instinct. no missed calls. no new messages. You sat down at the counter and made yourself some a cup of tea. You weren’t usually this fixated to Harry. You were really starting to worry yourself. slipping into a baggy sweater and loose shorts, you watched t.v until dinner time. You ordered chinese take away over the phone then read for a while. You heard the phone ring and immediately sprang up off the couch assuming it was Harry. “Hello?” you said in anticipation. 

“Excuse me, is this Mrs. Gracie Styles?” A mans voice came over the phone in a deep tone.

“Yes it is, may I help you?” You replied.

“Mrs. Styles, i’m calling to inform you that your husband…..  The flight your husband was on has been in an accident.”

Silence. 

“hello? are you still there, maim?”

“Harry…” You whispered, quivering, dropping your phone to the ground.