“miss him. I miss him so much,” You think to yourself. Your heart can’t carry this. You’re fiddling with your wedding ring as you lye in your dimly lit room. It’s 4am. You haven’t been sleeping well. Nor eating well. Everything you do has been on pause since the accident. You roll over to your side, and pull the blankets up to your chin. You take a deep shaking breath. The blankets still smell like him. The memories filled your head, remembering all the things that went right.. and the things that went wrong.
You two were very well behaved towards one another. You never fought, you never argued, but there was one night where you both were right at the breaking point.
It was late december. Your relationship hasn’t been on the best terms for a few weeks. At the time you blamed all the drama on Harry, but as you look back on it, it wasn’t Harry’s fault at all. It was yours.
Your job really took its toll. Fulfilling your goal of owning your own wedding apparel shop in uptown London was hard at times. You didn’t think it would take this much out of you. The late nights and early mornings, endless amounts of coffee and energy drinks just to keep your eyes open; not to mention the constant struggle of coming up with new and innovative ideas for dresses and themes. But admittedly it had its perks. Meeting your husband for example. It was june. The air was warm and light. The previous morning you stayed up till 5:30 tailoring suites, making calls to agencies, and organizing 4 weddings for the upcoming week. You were basically asleep in front of your computer when you got a phone call. You booked the gentleman who called a reservation for a fitting, along with his mother and her soon to be groom. Sleep was something of a rarity in these summer months. Your little shop gained many credentials from sources all around Britain. You had at lease 8 weddings a week to plan and provide beautiful garments for. It was hard, but there are days when you really love what you do.
The man who called the day before brought his party in for a look around, a planning, and a fitting. The young man had curly brown hair that swooped the the right of his gorgeous face and dimples that could kill. During the fitting you fought his flirtatiousness, surprised by the fact he ignored your pretty female assistant and drew is attention toward you who seemed so plain and casual in comparison. He would make conversation with you whenever he had the opportunity, making jokes along the way, like “do you think these pants are too tight on my bum?” & “I think you missed a stitch, love.” He would always manage to crack a smile on that tired face of yours. He came back a few times prior to the first visit always making excuses like “I think i left my phone here last time” or “My mum was wondering-” or something of that effect. He just made small talk until eventually mustering up the courage to ask you out for a lunch date. You were going to resent, but food in your belly was too tempting. It was there at lunch that you found things in common, immediately taking interest in each others personal lives and interests. Your honest personality seemed to humble his, in an industry where things can be so artificial. You gradually found yourself developing a romantic relationship together.
It was 2:00am and you had just finished scheduling when Harry called you. “it’s late grace, where are you?” It had been days of silence between you two even though you lived together. You estimated you had about seven hours of sleep in the past six days. your eyes had dark circles under them and you were starting to feel sick. It reminded you of how you felt now.
When you would come home Harry would be asleep, and you would rest for a couple hours before preparing for the next day of work. He would sometime wake, kiss you, and hold you close to him, but that affection only lasted until you walked out the door.
Harrys voice was tainted with annoyance rather than concern as you were expecting.
“I’m working Harry, where do you think?” You replied snappier that you anticipated. With your exhaustion you became bitchier that usual.
“Okay, see you later then.” He hung up the phone before you could answer back or say goodbye. You wondered what he was honestly bothered by, After all it was you that had to cope with no food or sleep, having absolutely no time to yourself, and having a boyfriend at the time that never seemed to care.
You drove home recklessly, your eyes heavy as they tried to focus on the road ahead. Reaching your apartment, you swayed to the door, your legs weak and dragging as you walked in. Harry was no where to be found. You moved into the kitchen, as the colors around you began bleeding into each other, before turning black. You body became numb as it crashed onto the cold wood floor.
When you woke up your clothes and shoes were off as you only slept in your underwear and bra with a light blanket wrapped around you. You were in the bedroom remembering you must have passed out in the kitchen, Harry being the one that must have laid you here. You grabbed one of his sweatshirts laying on a chair, and dragged yourself up to find him and gain some clarity. When you walked into the living room there he sat only wearing a pair of sweats, hunched over with his head dropped in his hands. He sat there with an aura of tension and disappointment.
“Harry?” You said cautiously, unsure of his mentality. His head immediately shot up, his eyes red from tears as he began getting up from the couch.
“Gracie you’re awake. You should go back to bed, I’ll bring you Something to eat babe,” he said while lightly pushing you towards the bedroom
“I don’t want to…” you said sensing something wrong. “Whats your problem right now?” you said pushing lightly against his chest so he would stop nudging you forward, his eyes widening at your question.
“My Problem? You were the one lying on the floor when I got home,” he said raising his voice, “maybeyou should tell me what your problem is!”
You softly gasped in disbelief, astonished by what he was saying. “MY PROBLEM?” you were about to let all the feelings you had inside you go. “I work too fucking hard, thats my problem! and it would be nice the man i loved showed a little sympathy or at least consideration!” You yelled, “I’m sorry i passed out Harry! HOW INCONVENIENT IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR YOU!”
You watched his face transform. He clenched his teeth, wanting so desperately to say something horrible to you, walking away instead. “Did you even notice how tired I was?” You continued, “Was it not concerning to you when i would only sleep two hours a day…?” you said in a quieter tone. “DO YOU EVEN GIVE A SHIT!?” Your eyes began to fill with tears. Harry’s back remained turned to you, shaking his head at your words as he clenched his fist. His anger not to you, but for himself.
“OF COURSE I DO!!” he shouted turning to you. “But would you have listened to me if i told you slow down?” he said approaching you, now consuming your personal space, “I can’t always tell what you’re thinking grace!”
You stared at him in disbelief. “ARE YOU BLIND HARRY? LOOK AT ME! Do i look healthy to you!?” He bumped your shoulder as he passed you, heading towards the door. “Don’t walk away from me!!” you yelled behind him, making him stop dead in his tracks, with his arms shaking, trying to keep his composure.
“You’re not a child Grace! Of course i care, but i was under the impression you were handling things just fine!” He said turning to face you as he calmed himself down “Obviously i was wrong…”
“I hate you..” you said under your breath after a moment of silence. Your words cold and untrue, but it was the only thing you felt like saying to him then.
“Do you truly mean that?” His voice low, as his face inched closer and closer to yours. Trying to meet your gaze that stayed fixed on the ground. He lifted your chin up with his finger. You nodded, your eyes still fixated to the ground. “Then say it again.” He said taunting you, his voice lurking with genuine hurt. “SAY IT!” He yelled. You opened your mouth and let out a short breath. You couldn’t.
Suddenly his lips were on yours, his hands clasped so tight around your face you could feel his thumbs in the hollows of your cheeks. He bit you a little as he forced his tongue into your mouth “DONT TOUCH ME!” you yelled. He let go and stepped back.
“Look Grace. I’m sorry.” he said “I’m sorry for not noticing what’s been going on with you.. But please…. don’t ever say i don’t care.” His eyes were becoming red again. “I wish you knew how much…. When i say you laying there… You don’t know how i felt” he said as a single tear dropped down his cheek. “I’m sorry love… I really am.” he said as he turned to leave the room. You grabbed his wrist, pulling him into you and hugging him against your body. You didn’t think about it, you just did it. “I love you” You spoke with tears in your eyes.
“Gracie…” he said all the same, “I don’t care what your schedule is like. i’m not letting you go. Not for a Second”